Wimp to Spartan Transformation: Fight Gone Bad

Spartan Crossfit Wimp to Spartan 7 from Peter Murphy on Vimeo.

I love to be really tough on myself. There are days when I feel like if I’m not drowning in my own blood, sweat and tears, I didn’t do enough.  This is probably not the healthiest attitude towards working out, but I can’t shake it.  Don’t get me wrong though, I hate these workouts while I do them.  My body hates me and I hate my body; there’s a lot of hate.  The love comes after the workout when I feel like an indestructible, magical being from crossfit land.  So when Katy McCabe suggested on Spartan Radio that Shane make me do Fight Gone Bad, I thought it sounded like the kind of punishment to which I’d so cheerfully subject myself.  I’m all for being challenged to the point of nausea, but this redefined “workout” for me.  This seemed like its own condensed Spartan Race.  (Shane does a great job of explaining it in the video for any non-crossfitters who’d like to attempt it.)  I can honestly say that Fight Gone Bad got me the closest to projectile vomiting I’ve been since I was an infant.  Let me break it down for you.

There was the Wallball, which was fun for about 5 reps and then the burn kicked in.  The ball was 8 pounds this time, and boy did I hate that ball.  Though to keep my mind off the burn and to keep myself from swearing so early in the game, I pretended I was play-throwing a rotund infant.  In my workout pretend life, I’d throw him up and on his descent he’d giggle, smile and drool.  I decided to name that ball Jabba the Baby.   

Following playtime with Jabba, I did kettlebell swings.  I’ve grown to love these, and couldn’t even begin to explain why.  It doesn’t look like it on the video, but those puppies get the heart rate up in no time at all. 

Then came the box jumps.  I HATE box jumps.  Firstly, I find them frustrating because sometimes I can establish a good rhythm and other times, that’s not the case.  Secondly, Shane always yells at me for not having a light enough landing or sounding like an elephant when I land.  I know that form is really important in all we do at CFSB.  It was no different when I was a swimmer.  The degradation of form can lead to injury.  I get it.  But landing like an elephant isn’t going to cause any harm other than making me actually feel like an elephant, and that’s a personal ego issue. 

After a minute of box jumps, I did the push press.  These make me feel like a total badass.  Why, you ask?  Check out the size of those weights on the bar.  They’re enormous, but weigh maybe five pounds.  It’s so very theatrical! (“[MScan’s] not real! [MScan’s] theatre!”  Anyone get the Lady Gaga/ Joe Calderone reference?)  Still, with a ton of repetitions, the burn set in.  Thirty seconds into this exercise, I spied the urg in front of me and thought, “Dear Jesus, no! no more!...O. But I get to sit.”  Thirty more seconds were up and I moved onto the urg.

I have established with love-hate relationship with the urg.  I love what it makes my legs and core feel like after using it, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I do it incorrectly, so I hate it.  This suspicion is founded upon the fact that every time I release or recover I manage to scoot into my own knees with such force that I knock the wind right out of my own lungs.  It sounds silly, I know, but it’s true.  Pay close attention to the video.  Urging for me is one long beat down.  So my knees and upper abdominals went to war for a minute, and then I got a minute rest. 

That was my first round of fight gone bad EVER… Then I did it two more times.

The only thing I have to say about the second round is that at the end I make the ugliest face ever, and I wish Murph would have edited it out.  As an aside, in my race recap for the MidAtlantic Sprint, I joked about being related to Quasimoto because of the face I made when I crossed the finish line.  In watching these videos, I have discovered a solid body of evidence that proves that my original joke could in fact be a reality.  My claim is later on supported by the grunting in the third round of FGB.

Also, that little slow-motion tidbit at the end there is the slow-mo wedgie dance.  There will be more variations of this dance in videos to come.

All in all, the workout made me feel like a royal champ.  It pushed my body past its limits and exhausted me beyond belief.  While I hated doing it and I complained a lot during the course of said torture session, it felt amazing afterwards.  I want all my workouts to be like that one.