Wimp to Spartan Transformation: Even Dogs can Judge

Spartan Crossfit Wimp to Spartan 3 from Peter Murphy on Vimeo.

My day at Crossfit South Brooklyn started with a stare-off. I walked into the gym, and there before me was this creature challenging me to a duel of wit. Murph turned the camera on, and it was time for my preshow nonsense, but the fire of competition raged in my gut. Eventually, I couldn’t ignore the beady little eyes laying into me.

I looked over to see the least amused dog I’d ever seen. I started talking to the judgmental, little terrorist and IT YAWNED AT ME! He yawned as if to say “you think you’re so clever, but you’re actually just a bore who’s in dire need of a haircut.” In my mind, this Dog speaks English with a British accent. As if my day at the office and my horrendous New York City commute weren’t bad enough, this dog had to add insult to injury by basically telling me that I’m not funny. It hurt my feelings, so as all actresses would do, I used it. I channeled that feelings and made the single ugliest face I’ve ever made on camera or in life. I really wish Murph would consult me when editing these videos.

As an aside, Shane has discovered the wonders of a dictionary, but not to acquire an impressive vocabulary, no no no. His purpose for consulting the dictionary is to turn my already silly nickname, MScan, into something absolutely ridiculous. This day it was MScullduggery.

I don’t need to go into depth about this workout video, because as you see when you watch it (if you feel inclined to do so), I try to do some double-under jump roping. This is an epic fail on my part. Clearly, Murph found the best song for it. By the way, the dog was still there and actually raised an eyebrow on my first attempt. I had half a mind to punt that thing into next Tuesday. Please don’t get me wrong. I adore dogs. My sister has a puppy named Orla, and that thing warms my icy heart. I talk to that dog on the phone; this is how much I love her. I digress…

Shane shows off…again.

The jump rope was just the warm-up. The MScullduggery WOD was a 400 m run, 21 kettlebell swings and 12 pullups. I did all of that 3 times, for time. This was called “The Helen.” I’m going to share with you where I think that name came from. Helen of Troy was supposedly a demigod, right? She could do this workout. I almost went into cardiac arrest on those runs, but I'm still alive. This leads me to believe that I’m at least one-eighth divine, and thus I demand to be treated as such (… Shoulders). By the way, I still run like a whale-human hybrid!

Anyway, I finished the workout feeling pretty good. I was exhausted, but I had definitely accomplished something. Then Shane sprang a surprise on me: TIME FOR A WALLSIT. I gave him the look that the dog gave me. Two minutes of that, my thighs were burning, and I began planning his downfall. How would I take him out? Perhaps with a Linebacker style tackle, going for the knees? Or maybe I’d lock him in a room with that bully of a dog and its self-esteem-demolishing looks? I decided upon hypnotizing a swarm of killer bees to attack him behind the knees. I was thinking all of this while talking to him and Murph in front of the Real-World-esque wall (you all still need to vote on what we call that wall). At two minutes, I relented, fell down, and stood back up. Once the fire in my thighs had subsided, I loved Shane again, and all thoughts of diabolical revenge fled my questionably healthy mind.

I left the gym that day totally beat up and waddling. I waddled to the subway and walked down the stairs as if I’d left my walker at home. On the subway ride back, I began to think “I’m sore every freakin day. Why do I keep going back?” And the answer that I came up with was “you push yourself to prove to yourself that you can.”

I encourage everyone, especially women, to find something athletic that you think you can't do and let yourself be scared of it for five minutes. After five minutes, train for it and do it, and then later, do it better. Why not?